it looks like i will have le super bed for myself tonight. i guess both dario and sanna have found themselves some men, i stayed in laughing my ass off at 1) hilarious films and 2) sanne who is in belfast with her mum. "sandy i don't know what to do, an irish is coming to my flat now... and i'm sharing room with my mum! FUCK!" hahahaha
haha barf. i look really in love and happy, as does he - it was all really cute, if you ignore all that homelessness and heroin haha.i've never been a fan of russel brand. he looks good, i'll give him that. and i guess that he's quite funny but i know of far better comedians. i tried to read his book once 'cause i'm really interested of addicts that's become clean but i read about 50 pages before i got tired of it. anyway - i just watched forgetting sarah marshall and that mr brand made me cry of laughter. seriously, i can not remember the last time i laughed so hard. hahahaha. you have to watch it, it is fucking amazing. haha.
1. tramp with guns
on thursday i kind of said goodbye to camden (again). it was a prefect day to do it on since everyone was out.
anna didn't know what shoes to wear
as soon as she made her mind up we took the tube to emelie
who was well fucking excited about going out, i think she had been staying in for three nights or so haha
after three bottles of shit champagne we went to the lock tavern and met up with the girls
anna sipped on drinks
then we started to strike about 50 poses
i was as drunk as i always am when going out in camden
the girls hated the camera
rosh bought us drinks
before she told anna something that looks rather interesting
ehm yeah, exactly
and all of a sudden storm didn't mind to be in the pictures at all
rod and lyle gossiped whilst emelie posed her tiny little ass off
then we went to the hawley where we met even more friends
jimmie was there, as always
as were chris&gary the twins
and now i'm going to join sanna&dario in le superbed. rest of the pictures will be published tomorrow or never. have loads of stuff to do tomorrow. we're going wimming, doing the laundry and also there's this fashion-whatever-event we're supposed to go to. oh well.
fashion has always been a great part of my life. i grew up with my nan who didn't have too much money so the clothes she bought me was mostly second hand. back then (as in ten years ago) second hand was anything but cool and even though i loved the clothes i couldn't help but getting upset from the kids at school making fun of me for not wearing cool clothes from the cool shops. i desperately wanted a pair of expensive jeans, 'cause everyone else had them. i remember when my mum bought me a pair of expensive jeans when i was about 11 years old. i literally cried of happiness.
when i was about 14 years old my dad came in to my life. dad is what most people would call minted as fuck. he has never spoiled any of his kids though and i wasn't an exception, however he did buy me my first ralph lauren jumper, and i loved that fucking jumper to death. i moved from home just a year later and got myself a job. i made about 500 quid a month, got another 200 quid from my parents and then another 100 for studying and i spent all of it on clothes. at the same point my mum started to make shit loads of money and tried to make up for my shit childhood by buying me everything i wanted. i wanted clothes. and bags. and shoes. it was gucci, pucci, prada for the win, i didn't wear anything but shit expensive brand new clothes and when i saw the kids from my old school they wondered what the fuck had happened to the old sandy who just wore second hand clothes. people in school started to look and point at me for my expensive clothes rather than for my second hand ones. and obviously, i loved it.
then i moved to london by the age of 18, dumped the whole gant/boomerang look and went all punk-ish. it was studs, chains, loads of black eye makeup, leather jackets, DM's, tiny skirts, wearing nothing but a body, got myself side cuts, fetish clothes etc. at the same time as this started i moved in with the boss, who practically started the punk era on king's road back in '76. he had loads of old punk shit that's worth houndres and houndreds of pounds and for some reason he let me wear all of it. when i went back to sweden to visit my mum all of the kids from my old school stared, pointed and wondered what the fuck had happened to the old sandy who wouldn't wear anything that was less than 100 pounds.
thing is, i don't really notice when people stare and point at me for the clothes i'm wearing. i used to, but not anymore. i don't get that what i'm wearing is that extreme. only time i react is when i go out wearing a pair of denim shorts, a tshirt and flats and people don't even look at me. i get depressed. seriously i-wanna-committ-suicide-depressed.
when i moved to berlin i brought about 10 kilos, in total. i guess that 8 kilos was clothes. which, obviously, is like nothing. i brought some shorts, some vests, two pairs of shoes, some underwear, two jackets and that's fucking it. i moved on sunday and on monday i was about to cry all day. i didn't think that clothes and fashion actually did mean that much to me but fucking hell, it really does. if people don't stare and point i feel ugly and when i feel ugly i seriously want to die (yeah, i've always been a bit of extreme).
the conclusion is that when i know that people think that i look ok, i know that i look like shit. and when people think that i look like shit, i know that i look amazing.
(but yes, it did take me about 20 years to actually realise this)
sanna's looking at the website for a gay club we're supposedly going to tonight.
sanna: it looks quite nice actually.
sandy: hm.
sanna: ew! fucking ew! there's a picture of paris hilton!
so sanna and i decided to not get too stuck in berlin. on the 8th of june we're leaving for milan.
does anyone live in milan? do you have a spare suite/bed/floor?
on the 16th of june milan we're leaving for barcelona.
does anyone live in barcelona? do you have a spare suite/bed/floor?
on the 25th of june we're leaving barcelona for hamburg.
we have friends with spare suites in hamburg, thanks anyway.
and only the almighty lord knows when we leave hamburg for berlin.
if you do live in milan/barcelona and have a spare whatever, please email me at sandy@cottonstyle.co.uk. i might let you fuck me.
(yes. that was a joke. ish.)
i'm eating breakfast with my missus as we speak. yesterday i had a shit day. i was about to cry all day - i felt fat, ugly and disgusting. i realised that i actually hadn't brought any clothes at all. and on top of that my computer kind of crashed. so yesterday i didn't eat (that's what i do when i feel fat), i was quiet all day (that's what i do when i feel useless) and when my computer decided to die on me i simply went to bed. well atleast i didn't throw it out the fucking window.
anyway. today i woke up from sanna talking to dario about my snoring problems (or more their problem with me snoring haha). apparently the plaster helped. good thing. then started my laptop. it worked. good thing. logged onto facebook and had thousands of tiny cute mesage from emelie. good thing. looked myself in the mirror and din't feel fat. good thing. made breakfast - müsli with rapberries, a cuppa tea and SCRAMBLED EGGS!!!!!!! BEST THING! i love scrambled eggs. i would choose scrambled eggs over anything. anything. i'm having some kind of a love affair with scrambled eggs.
anyway, now we're going shopping and not commercial disgusting oxford street-shoppin. nah, we're going to uff. it's for charity. and also they will have loads of stuff from early 90', something commercil disgusting oxford street-shopping won't give you. it gives you studs. and chains.
i so prefer the old sandy. she could tell herself to not eat for three days and then she didn't. she would stare at the fittest guy at the place until he came up to her and asked why she was staring. then she'd say that she'd fuck him in three hours time. and she always did.
the new me doesn't do this. i tell myself to not eat. but then i do. and i no longer tell guys that i will fuck them in three hours time.
hm. why is this happening to me? is this growing up? in that case i don't like growing up. at all.
old sandy. she had long hair, had loads and loads of sex and was super thin. my long hair is gone, i don't get laid anymore and i've gained a stone or twenty. fucking hell. how did this happen?!
hi - hallo
i - ich
cctv - videoüberwacht
the tube - u-bahn
you - dich
don't say - heil hitler
we went shopping today as i needed to get some knickers (i brought about three pairs). i got myself about half of berlin, but no knickers. i simply forget all about things such as underwear when i see shoes, pants, jewellery, jackets... it's all a bit shit but atleast now i've been to central berlin. i guess? or berlin's version of oxford street is probably more fair to say. anyway, it's completely impossible to compare it, when Sanna said that going to Germany feels slightly like going to eastern Europe i thought she exaggarated but she did not. not that i complain though, i mean i went to a rave party in a park yesterday. yes, yesterDAY. it felt like i was on a festival or something. it was amazing. kind of feels like how i imagine that the 60's were. people stealing alcohol from the corner shop by the park, jumping into the river from the bridge, everyone's passing around joints, people openly doing lines of god knows what, everyone's dancing to his slightly weird rave music. and straight people asking other straight people if they can kiss you, but that's another story.
tonight i'm going for a few drinks with anna, an old friend from sweden. i have absolutely no fucking idea of where i'm going, but i'm going there. platzfrausichblaschrasch, or something like that. heh. i'm sure it'll all work out just fine.
they have these amazing photo booths in germany. we used to have them in sweden aswell but for some reason they suddenly disappeard when i was about 12 or so. which is SHIT! i'll probably spend all of my money on photo booth pictures. oh fucking well.
sanna has dressed up. ish.
i seriously look more and more like my mum. which is a bit scary.
this is how happy you are when you live with your missus in berlin. sanna looks slightly retarded though. probably because she is. in the most of adring ways, obviously. i look chinese. i'm not. i think.
then i suddenly realised that sanna's tits are HUGE. "your tits are fucking massive!"
i will probably spend every night raping sanna. i think she'll be fine with that.
this is our flat. and dario's. it's kind of dario's. like his only. it doesn't feel like i live here, at fucking all. oh well! here is a tub! a big massive tub! and a kitchen. mihi.
and this is for anna. i love you!!!!i'm moving to berlin in six hours and twenty minutes. i don't know where my passport is. i haven't packed my things. sanna still hasn't sent the directions to our flat(!) from the airport. all of my money is sterling rather than euros (well you know the post office was closed and all that).
and what am i doing? drinking wine with the girls.
i will so miss this flight.
i'm alive. barley though. i've pretty much had a leaving party that's been lasting for the last two weeks and tonight is supposed to be grande finale - and i feel like dying. great. i have loads of pictures to show you guys, stay tuned.
swedish twin#1 and i stayed in bed until 3pm today. it was really nice. i'm a bit sad about leaving him, i probably won't ever see him again which is quite shit. oh well. people come, people go.
i was about to go to torture garden tonight but anna and i figured that we're still too fat so nah it won't happen. maybe we can go in july when i'm back in london (just to visit though, and to celebrate the boss' 65th birthday).
nicole, anna and i are gonna cook now. ha! COOK! salmon, pasta and salad. MMMM. i've already eaten today though, emelie and i went for dinner at the hawley which was well fucking nice, go there and have their vegetable lasagna, it's amazing. oh and when you're there, you might as well go down chalk farm road where nicole and her (incredibly hot) flatmate graham just opened a behave shop. they sell acne, april 77, minimarket and blah-blah. some really nice stuff in there, expensive as fuck though, obviously.
(and no, noone paid me to write that. ish.)
Last night Anna and I went out just the two of us. After a few drinks at the Mixer, Hawley and Lock Tavern we figured it was all shit so ew decided to go to Proud to have a dance. Once we got there we realised that it was something, ehm, kind of specail going on. There were paparazzis and the girls by the door asked us to pay a donation. Apparently it was some kind of charity thing going on and I got a bit upset when Henry Holland came and he didn't have to pay any fucking donations haha but the ladies by the door explained that he had paid a large amount of money already and that he was sponsoring the thing or whatever. Fair enough. We paid a tenner each (I mean even though it's charity and I hate charity it was for teenage cancer which I probably have myself so what the fuck). We had a few drinks, managed to come in to the vip section without even realising it "wow there's that model from the cover of Love, and isn't that that fucking Mark Ronson or whatever his name is?". It was a bit shit though so we went back to the Mixer.
After another shot or five we decided to go to Bartok where I met an old crush who hasn't ever paid me any attention (apart from that one time when he randomly kissed me, ehm) and he explained that his best mate had forbidden him to talk to me. What the fuck? It kind of pissed me off so I kind of kissed him in front of his friend, in you fucking face! Ehm yeah, it wasn't very appreciated by the friend but my old crush seemed to be happy haha so that's good I guess.
Just when I told Anna that Carl Barat's missus Annalisa was in the shop a few days ago she says "is this a fucking joke, he's right there". And there he was, Carl Barat himself. As the old Libertines freak I am my knees started to shake a bit. The first thing Anna said was "wow he looks really old. and ugly". Hahahaha, that's Anna for you! He was busy talking to mr T who gets all important when celebrities are around, completely ignoring me even though he just a week ago asked me if I wanted to go to the cinemas with him. Haha, people, fucking people...
Tonight we're going for predrinks at Emelie's before Ronnie Joice's birthday party down central. I'm well excited, saying this even though I hate going central, everyone I know and don't know will be there. Oh the fucking joy.
Ta-ta!
i hate stuff to do tofay. like, eh, going to the post office. and see what i haven't seen of london. like, big ben. i will probably end up going to camden though.
i'm probably not the one to talk since i after all still have got studs around my wrist but seriously, please. isn't the world sick of tiny leather jackets, zips and chains? i mean come on. this collection (h&m divided exclusive or whatever it's called) will be in stores in september. september! i've seen people wearing this for a year now, it's time to fucking move on!
i know what you think. how you'd rather die than even think of the 90's when it comes to fashion. but you'll see. you'll all see.
think 90's. think big. big hair, big shoes, big jackets - just BIG. and colour. please people, give me some fucking colour. if i have to see you guys wearing black and nothing but black for another year or five i'll kill myself.
sandy: natalia vondianova makes me sick.
vivian: why? she's not even that skinny.
sandy: if she's not skinny, i'm fat. like super mega fat.
vivian: yeah... maybe you could start doing speed?
vogue, vodianova and vivian - really great for your confidence.
i'm so ridiculously tired of the shop. i don't like being here anymore. not because i don't like it, more because of how much i actually do like it. so today i closed the fucking thing and went to the park with vivian, drank champagne and read the latest issue of vogue. i read vogue, vivian did not. his idea of fashion magazines is that you should "be in it or just bin it". which i guess is the perfect philosophy.
i've been going out every day since i got back from denmark. i'm slightly tired and was a bit depressed but then i had a chat with anna that obviously cheered me up and now i'm thinking about going out dancing. frankly i don't think staying in makes anyone happier. i mean how could it?
i wrote an entire post about how i hate swedes. one single person reacted.
i wrote paki once. and now i get e-mails saying that i'm a "racist who deserves to die".
take it easy, people.
last night i got kicked out from a house party. i do however suspect that the hostess is fucking an old boyfriend, or whatever he was, of mine. so it's kind of ok. but still. haha. i got kicked out from a house party! and i thought that house parties was all about inviting everyone you know, know of and haven't seen before. but i guess that you don't want to invite some white trash idiot (me that is) when the drummer of babyshambles is around haha.
vivian has a gig tonight. vivian can hardly even speak. his voice is well fucked and the poor thing doesn't know what he shall do haha. i feel slightly sorry for him. but then again, maybe it's karma. anyway, you should all come to club cool at catch tonight. vivian will be there trying to perform haha and i will laugh my not-so-tiny ass off at his voice.
conclusion of tonight's prepartying: i'm a hypocrite, vivian wants to become sexual and kirsty has thin legs. but we fucking knew that already, didn't we.
i love the shop. i love most things about the shop. there are however one thing i hate about the shop. the customers.
not all customers, obviously, but quite frankly most of them are absolute wankers. i would say about 80% or so. pakis, chavs and constructors who come in and laugh at what we have in the shop and whistle at anna and me before i kick them out. and then there are those absolute morons who ask if the bikes are for sale. for fuck sake. then there's the ones who says "pounds?" when we tell them how much something costs. pounds? no fucking dollars! maybe i'm just silly but seriously how fucking stupid questions can one ask.
right now we have a "staff wanted" sign in the window. obviously because i'm leaving. you should see the people who come in applying for the job. it is absolutely fucking ridiculous. i just had a chav with his bulldog in here asking for the job. what the fuck. if it hadn't been for the dog i would tell him to fuck off (believe it or not, i'm not that fucking stupid).
but then ofcourse, there are the lovely fashion kids. i usually hate them but they are the ones who really appreciate, understand and love the shop.
Sanna is like the big sister I never had (saying that even though I actually have two big sisters which I guess is slightly weird). Before she left London she gave me the complete series of My so called life, looked me straight into my eyes and said "I want you to have this, it changed my life and I really want you to watch it". And that's what I'm doing a grey day like this. Needless to say it's fucking amazing. They don't do TV shows like that anymore, everything is so fucking extreme these days. My so called life is not. It's just real.
they just don't. and it really pisses me off.
i met the irish tonight. i haven't mentioned him in a while but it doesn't mean that i don't think about him, 'cause i do. quite a lot. anyway. i met him randomly outside proud. the first time in four months or so. i wasn't prepared. at all.
sandy: wow. fucking hell. wow. you've changed.
the irish: haha. how?
sandy: i don't know. you've got less hair.
YOU'VE GOT LESS HAIR?
hahahahha. that's probably the funniest thing i've ever said. and i didn't even think about it.
the irish is officially getting old. an old heroin addict.
it makes me sad.
we went to kirsty's house party the other night. vivian managed to nick her video camera.
we've been drinking since 3pm and are going out in an hour or so, as soon as i've closed the shop. we're bringing the camera. you'll see everything tomorrow. haha. this will be a fucking amazing night. WHOO!
oh and vivian just told me that all the people he knows have weird stories about the shop. haha. we should collect the stories and sell them. "sick: the sick story about the shop called sick"
sandy: this is a shit fucking day. do you think we should get drunk?
vivian: YES! FUCKING YES!
sandy: tesco?
vivian: no! let's get PILLS!
hahahahha
it wasn't an easy decision to make. i mean i'm living my fucking dream here. actually it's beyond my dream. i have everything, without doing anything. anna and i have always said that "we're running a shop", "we have a shop" when it really is anna's. i've always felt bad about being an uncreative person (and obviously always hanged out with people who are incredibly talanted and creative) and to live and work with something that isn't fully or even half my creation is just shit and a complete waste of time. i feel so fucking stupid when i think about it - it took me about ten months to look around and realise that anna has done everything in the shop and who the fuck am i to be given any credit for it? anna is the best, anna has always been the best and anna will always be the best - which is exactly why she is my best friend, family and all that. who else could be? anna gets more things done when i'm not in the shop. she gets more creative, she interacts far better with the customer and is running the shop in a better way than she does when i'm around.
i thought of my options. there was just one really (since i'm such a spoiled brat and wouldn't ever consider getting myself a real job. not until i'm dying or so anyway) - finding myself a squat. which i would have been totally find with since london squats are well nice, there are usually showers, electricity, central heating - basically everything but internet but i mean how much can one ask for when you don't pay a single penny?
so i spoke to sanna about it. she came up with a second option. i could move with her to berlin. and why the fuck not. i've never been so it would be well interesting. everyone says it's cheap as fuck and that the night life is amazing. and also i'm supposed to move there with anna and the boss in october anyway, what difference does a few months make?
so i told the boss. he thought i was looking for some attention and got pissed off. then realised i was serious, cried and told me how i'm the girl of his dreams, how i'm the soul and the spirit. then realised it wouldn't help and went back to being pissed off. anna is pretty much ok, we just don't talk about it. we've one this before, when i moved to london a few months before she did. and we can do it, we know exactly where we got each other and i mean it's just distance, it's not like we've killed each others' mums or something. anna is my everything and i'm everything to her, i want to be her and she wants to be me. which is completely silly and it's so getting on the boss' nerves but oh well.
so anna and i are completely fine with this. someone who quite isn't, is the boss. he says that the second i leave him, the shop and london (in that order ofcourse) he won't ever talk to me again. "it will hurt too much, like losing a leg or an arm or something, or even worse like a fucking girlfriend" and i get what he means. leaving the shop actually feels like breaking up with a long term boyfriend and that is never ever an easy decision to make.
but as always when breaking up with a boyfriend, i feel well relieved. this has been absolutely fucking amazing but the shop is not mine. it's anna's. and i can't be here to take credit for it, i can't do that to her and above fucking all, i can't do it to myself.
so i'm leaving the country. yeah i know, i've always been the worst of drama queens.
but sure it won't be easy. i'll miss the shop, obviously. i will miss the french house, the shopping trips, trying out the bikes, customising the clothes, our crazy next door neighbour, the warm feeling i get every time the boss smiles, drinking scrumpy jack with friends and strangers on the pavement outside the shop, staying in watching films with anna, the boss taking pictures of us, the excitement of putting new clothes on the rails... above all, i'll miss the boss. i know that he won't ever forgive me which really just means that it's stupid of me to miss him, but you know, what can one do.
anyway. i'm moving to berlin on the 17th of may.
i'm still alive, worry not. i just have a lot to think and worry about at the moment.
like how i'm hurting the only people in the world i actually care about. fucking great.
never forget who you are, drop all you've got to see if you can live without it. prove yourself a fucking point. find out if you're as useless yet so fucking amazing as you think you are. live on the edge. it's easy to be the best when everything's handed to you, but go out in the real (but yet so fucking fake) world and see if you can do it all over again. make sure you know that you're well alive. fucking lets!
Sandy: maybe we could shower at that house party tonight.
Anna: yeah. but i don't wanna wash my hair.
Sandy: you haven't washed it for like five days.
Anna: i know it looks fucking amazing!
and the worst part is that it actually does
i've been a bit suicidal the last few days so haven't been posting anything at all. when i drown in selfpity i don't wanna do it in public.
but i'm back on fucking track!
me about a year ago when i went out in helsingborg wearing a bin bag and told everyone that it was a 500 quid dolce gabbana dress. ha.
oh the joy and those were the days
. i miss my girls
just realised something that will change my entire life
i'm shocked and i kind of feel like dying and/or crying
vivian: lets cuddle!
sandy: i have to get dressed.
vivian: no!
sandy: it's half nine already.
vivian: we're on the list. you're boiling, fucking hell. we should stay in. maybe it's the swine flu?
hahahhaha
i've felt like shit all day today. don't ask me why, i didn't have that much to drink last night.
so i actually thought of staying in tonight instead of going to the drama mag party in soho. even though there will be gift bags, and sorry for being so uncool and all that but i FUCKING LOVE GIFT BAGS. doesn't matter if they're shit or if they're amazing, it's like christmas. no, better than christmas. better than sex. better than fucking life.
then i thought. fuck this fucking illness. i'm going out 'cause tomorrow i'll be one day older and today will never come back so lets forget about the fact that i feel like shit, forget about the fact that my stomach is killing me, forget about the fact that i should stay in with a cuppa tea.
tonight we're going out.
and we're getting drunk.
and we're enjoying our well fucking deserved gift bags.
more stuff up now!
BUY! BUY! AND BUY SOME MORE AND I'LL GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT!
http://buysandy.cottonstyle.co.uk
sanna just send me a link to an interview with our old flatmate. yvan the facehunter, although me and anna refer to him as the sexhunter. haha. have a look. it's hilarious.
so we're getting married. it costs 50 quid but i mean it has to be worth it even though not a single decent person in the world can possibly own 50 pounds. anyway. sex, drugs and alcohol for wedding gifts, please.
vivian: i wanna shag someone and i don't like the feeling. me wanting to shag someone is the same thing as you wanting to marry someone sandy! it's pathetic! i've turned into a soft, pathetic bloke with fat legs.
vivian and his fat legs.
picture by anna/sanna
friday
i met up with lovisa around 6pm at the train station and we ran straight to ströget - i needed a new bathing suit for our girls night in. as usual i ended up with a few more things than i intended to, i found an awesome bra at urban outfitters and malene birger had an amazing necklace i couldn't resist. i managed to find some crappy jewellery as well and now i'm skint as fuck but oh well atleast i'm enjoying myself. after two hours of shopping we went back to mum's, started the jacuzzi, poured up the wine, put on our new bathing suits and add some facial masks to that - c'est parfait (or whatever, i don't know french)! lovisa got wasted on three glasses of wine, oh the joy, and i was laughing my ass off at (and with) her while i had some pedicure done.
saturday
i decided to go to urban outfitters and buy another bra, the exact same one but in black (i got myself a grey one) but we never made i there. instead i went to a piercing studio. haha. i pierced my belly button when i was 12 years old, took it out when i was 14 and yesterday i decided to put a ring back in. and it worked! five years later that's so fucking weird. anyway, my belly button piercing is back.
i went to adam's for some cuddling, gossip and champagne. in that specific order. it was amazing to see him again, and his parents! they're amazing and they love me. parents usually hate me but not these ones, they love me and they always used to ask adam's older sister if "there really isn't anything else going on between sandy and adam, you sure that they're just friends?". haha.
i left adam after a couple of hours to go and see cornelia. funny enough, cornelia's parents like me as well. not as much as adam's (his mum calls me her bonus daugther eh), but still they don't hate me. maybe the whole thing is turning now, parents have hated me for nearly twenty years so maybe they'll love me for the next twenty? anyway. we drank wine. and beer. and whiskey. and i got drunk. so drunk. we chatted and we laughed and we drank more and i got so fucking fucked. i've barely drinked anything since i left london two weeks ago, no wonder i got fucked!
we downed another bottle of wine on the bus to helsingborg and i could barely walk once we got there. and this is where i (or more likely, anna) say "sandy stop drinking" but anna wasn't there and i decided to get even more fucked. or actually, i didn't. or yeah i kind of did. anyway, we went to the tivoli and i bought myself a vodka redbull, danced danced danced until cornelia came and said "EDELWEISS LET'S GO TO EDELWEISS, FREE DRINKS FOR US!". i tried to say no. i didn't succeed. on our way there i discovered that my mobile phone was drowned in the redbull that was left. i had the can in my jacket pocket. my phone was there as well. bad, bad idea. the phone was obviously fucked and i got pissed off so i decided to smash it in the ground. oh dear. i'd never think that i phone consist of so many bits and pieces. i absolutely love the fact that i was sober enough to pick up my phone card before i left the smashed phone to its destiny.
cornelia bought me and emelie six shots each at edelweiss.
.......
can't remeber anything
.......
and all of a sudden i'm in a cab, on my way back home to one of my old classmates and flings. mr m#4. does anyone remember him?
i've felt like shit all day today. good news is though that mum gave me a new phone as soon as i told her what happened (well i didn't really tell her that i smashed it but ehm yeah) and the phone is AMAZING. it's a nokia 6600 and it comes with gps haha i fucking love it! i'm not gonna take the ube anymore, i'm gonna go by bike everywhere as i now have a gps and won't get lost. wo!
tomorrow i'm going back to london, fucking finally. but i've had a great time actually, it's been so nice hanging out with mum and old friends and all that. nan is coming by tomorrow and i can't wait to see her but i can't wait to go back to ldn either! oh i have so many great ideas for the shop and i'm super duper fucking excited! oh some, sweet home.
smash and grab is moving. from punk, soho to proud, camden. and thank fuck for that! sally, the pink haired warm hearted girl who's running it, has decided to move it which means that we no longer have to catch a cab every thursday. ok might exaggerate a bit, we're not there every thursday but we will be from now on! the launch is on thursday, three days after i get back to london. see you there.
i don't know what i was thinking, turning down stepdad's offer to book a new flight back to london earlier (as some of you might remember, he fucked up and booked the wrong flight back). it's killing me to not be in the shop, not being near anna, not seeing my friends. ugh. i try to keep myself alive by shopping (got myself a denim acne dress the other day, mazing and also a weekday shirt im doing my best to trash), juacuzzing, sunbathing and reading but it doesn't do the trick. i need london and i can't wait to go back.
there are a few people i haven't seen yet though. one of them is adam. adam doesn't take anything seriously. we went to the same secondary school, one of the best in sweden, he didn't give a fuck about anything in school but everyone loved him anyway. why? he is by far the most charming boy i've ever met. he's let me down countless times but i can't not forgive him, all he has to do is smile and say that he loves me and then i find myself hugging, or more like squeezing him. he is adorable and he always makes me smile. i've shared some of the best moments in life with him. peace and love '07, my first pete doherty moment in london, graduation... and even if we haven't seen each other for months and months, everything's the same when we meet up again. we're going out on saturday and even if i just want to be back in london now, i am happy that i'm here on saturday so i can see baby precious.
and i will marry him some day. he says that he won't ever marry me, "you're such a fucking bitch sandy", but i'll convince him.
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i'm a good daughter. i've done well through the years. sure, i was a bit of a chav when i was 13 years old, i dated a 15 year old drug dealer, got caught shoplifting and missed most of my classes as i was busy chain smoking with the older kids. but before and after that, i've been the best. always one of the top students, always happy, always standing up for myself and my family and i know that my mum is incredibly proud of me.
but right now, i'm the worst of daughters. and it's so boring and predictable but i just can't help it. i hate my mum's new boyfriend. not her 18 year old husband (who's still in jail), well i kind of hate him as well since he's two years younger than me and obviously a stupid fucking fuck-up, but her 40-something boyfriend.
reasons for me to hate him
1. he doesn't close the door when showering. sorry but WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE?! how hard can it be to close the fucking door?! i don't want to see my mum's boyfriend naked, thank you very fucking much.
2. he is a drug dealer. fair enough, most of my friends do drugs but it doesn't mean that it's ok to sell them. i do not want to hear about how you just spent 30.000 pounds on cocaine, thank you very FUCKING much.
3. i like sleeping in the same bed as mum. it's our thing. i stayed with her the first two years of my life but when she became homeless the social services kind of decided that is was time for me to move to my nan. do you think that i get to sleep in the same bed as her now? nah, her fucking boyfriend is in the bed these days. i'm on the sofa. a very nice, super expensive, beige leather one but i don't give a fuck. this might be the point where i should understand that i'm after all 19 years old and don't should share bed with my mum but it's our thing! it's our fucking thing and now we don't have a thing. fucking great.
and also, i have a stepdad already. his name is sonny. he's been a cunt when it comes to mum, just as she's been a cunt to him, but to me he's always been great. i've known him for eight years, i talk to him more than i talk to my mum and my dad and he's always been there for me. he dumped fucking justin timberlake on mtv music awards afterparty to come and pick me up when i was lost in the suburbs, he's been with me to meetings with the social services, he's always picked up the phone when i've drunkenly phoned him up in the middle of the night crying, he's taught me about life, he's been there for my prom, graduation and all other important days in my life. he's more of a dad to me than my own dad for fucks sake. so no, i don't like mum's new boyfriend. the only good thing about him i can come up with is that he turned down to become a hells angels member. and i'm not even sure that that's a good thing! i do not like mum's new boyfriend.
and all i should do really, is to be happy for her.
so yes. i'm a terribly awful daughter.
but right now i don't give a shit.
anna: did you know that there are 100 calories in a shot of vodka?
sandy: WHAT? YOU SERIOUS?
vivian: yeah. so we're not drinking anymore.
sandy: oh fuck me i haven't been drinking for two weeks and when i come back you're over the alcohol?
anna: yep.
vivian: we're doing pills instead. no calories. no hangovers.
hahahaha i'm so glad they're doing well while i'm away
this is vivian. i met him during fashion week a couple of months ago. i seem to have trouble finding things that are thrilling me but vivian always open my eyes to the most obvious things that do thrill me, things that i haven't even thought of. like jumping the train every single time we're going somewhere. or stealing bottles of champagne from every single bar we're going to. or stripping on every single dance floor we're dancing on.
sandy: you wanna go with anna and me to reading festival?
vivian: yeah sure! we're not paying though.
sandy: i can ask the boss if he can figure something out.
vivian: or we can just jump the fence you moron?
hahahahaha. i would never even think of jumping the fence. but we're jumping the fence. oh i can't wait to go back to london.
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i miss number two so much it hurts
only thing that confuses me about this is the year. 1968? what the fuck?!
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i wont have to use any make-up for the next four months. ha. i love it.tomorrow i'm gonna go and see my dad for the first time in a couple of months. the first thing he said when i last saw him was "you've gained weight but i guess there are those who like fat chicks as well". as you might imagine, i'm not super excited about seeing him. he's been a great dad though. he first found out about me when i was 14 years old (yep it took us 14 years to find my real dad which is quite funny considering that mum made another guy pay child support for seven years) but from the moment he knew, he's always been there for me. he helped me getting in to one of sweden's best secondary schools (and no, not by paying them but by coming with me to loads of meetings, advise me etc) and when i had trouble at home with my nan he bought me a flat in one of sweden's safest, poshest and best areas. he helped me through secondary school and whenever i had problems he couldn't fix, he offered to pay for a private tutor. he has by all means been a great father.
thing is, i'm too confident for my own good. people have actually told me this. my mum, my best friend, work mates, teachers, boyfriends. i can't seem to stop that i'm unbeatable, that i'm the greatest, immortal. however, when it comes to my father, all of a sudden i'm this tiny little mouse who doesn't dare to say anything. i just keep my mouth shut. all because of him being such a great fucking dad. if it wasn't for him being all great and amazing i could have kept on being this confident bitch who doesn't give a shit about what anyone thinks. but i can't. 'cause even though no one would have asked him to do anything else but to pay child support, he started to be my dad from the moment he knew that i was his child. not just father, but dad. there is a difference. most men probably wouldn't. most men would probably pay child support once a month, as long as the kid wouldn't bother them.
so i just have to keep listening to him nagging about me gaining weight, how i'm "obviously" doing the wrong thing living in the basement of an east london shop when he could have get me an intership in one of the eu departments in brussels, try to answer his questions why i look like a punk and above all i just have to keep trying to defend why i am the person i am. which is ridiculously hard since he doesn't even know me. he would never be able to understand why i would happily live in the basement of an east london shop 'cause the sandy he knows would never do that. the sandy he knows would happily move to brussels and start that fucking internship.
and all of this because of him being such a great dad. what a fucking joke.
ok enough with the sappy stories, i'm lucky to even have a dad and to have a dad that actually cares. tomorrow i'm having lunch with one of my old teachers! i'm really excited. she was so much more than a teacher to me during secondary school and ironically, i'm more in touch with her than my dad.
i'm just about to go to sleep (it's remarkable early for me, i can't remember the last time i went to sleep before 4am) but i just wanted to pop by and say hi. or something like that.
today has been a great day. i woke up at 1pm, mum screaming that "for fuck sake sandy you can't stay up watching grey's anatomy all night and then sleep all day!" and i guess that she's right. as much as i love grey's anatomy... i had a shower before mum drove me downtown where i met up with elisabeth. we managed to do some shopping, i got myself a new bikini, a black suede blazer with fringes (yes i will sell it as soon as i get back to london 'cause yes i'm still emptying my closet and i guess it was kind of stupid to get one but i just brought one jacket to denmark and i can not walk around wearing the same fucking jacket for 12 days) and about 20 face maskes. i have absolutely no idea when to use the face maskes 'cause quite frankly, i can not use more than one a day (can i?) and i don't have a shower back at home in london so ehm yeah. anyway.
at 4pm we met up with elisabeth's new lover, stuart. he's lovely. amazing in fact. we went for dinner and later on for drinks. i can't remember the last time i laughed as much as i did today, i had such a nice time. fair enough, it wasn't hilarious when he drew a dick on my new wallet that i bought two days ago but you know, what can one do. anyway, we all laughed and chain smoked (that's danish pubs for you) and had a jolly time.
it sure as hell doesn't feel like i'm going back to london. it feels like i left ages ago (three days that is) and to imagine that i will go back in is just weird, even though i obviously will. i miss the shop, i miss anna, i miss the boss, i miss vivian and emelie and i miss my freaking camera! don't know if i told you but it broke a few months ago, the flash just stopped working and it's pissing me off. i haven't done anything about it but i will as soon as i get back to london. i have to fix it, i really miss taking pictures and also the blog looks like shite without them. i have so many plans for the shop, so many ideas and i'm really thrilled about going back. oh well. it's just been three days...
oh by the way, i'm really tanned. mum has been giving me two of the have-an-injection-and-you'll-be-tanned-in-ten-minutes-injection and i went to the sunbeds for 16 minutes. i am well tanned. as a matter of fac, i can't remember the last time i was this tanned but it was probably when i graduated last year.
i just saw a picture of someone i didn't think i cared about anymore. turns out that i probably do. quite a lot. what's so scary is that i know that i would still give up everything for this person. everything. every-fucking-thing and it scares me. it really scares me.
on wednesday lisa, lucky, sanna and i reunited. we undressed and danced around in lisa's flat. ish.
lisa, lucky, sandy & sanna
thursday 16.4.2009
pl13 with the girls
can't remember the last time i had such a nice time out in helsingborg, i've missed my girls and it was great having them around me again
friday 17.4.2009
lunch with chelsea @ waynes where a bagel is 4quid (they are 50p in london, just saying)
drinking beer in mums jacuzzi with mum and uncle rickard - family reunion-ish where we talked about sex, drugs and prisons. my family is such a fucking mess it's ridiculous but i do love them in some kind of freaky way
saturday 18.4.2009
shopping and dining out in copenhagen with lisa and adam, haven't seen adam (the man of my life) in months and months
oh by the way, popped by campeon today (my old secondary school) and set up a date with one of my old teachers, we're going for lunch on monday. she was kind of like a mum to me and always helped me getting back to myself when i was a mess. but seriously. i'm going for lunch with one of my old teachers. i'm officially a geek.
and did i tell you that i'm gonna take part in LIMUN next year? LIMUN as in London Internation Model United Nations? despite of what some of you out there might think of me, i'm still reading five-six different newspapers a day and am really interested in foreign policy. i participated in a UN model play last year and i had so much fun, it's one of few things that really makes me nervous. and that was, ofcourse, in swedish. my english is pretty good but i mean it's nowhere near that fucking good and it'll obviously make me even more nervous. i'll probably vomit the first day. about five times or so. ahhh, i'm thrilled!
i miss my life already, it feels like ive been in scandinavia for ages. why is it always like that?
yesterday was good though. we went to tempo and had a few drinks (its ridiculous how expensive sweden is compared to london, and yet everyone keeps going on about how expensive london is? dont get it) before going to debaser where we danced danced danced, ive missed dancing with my girls. especially sanna, i remember when we had water war on the prince of wales while dancing haha it was amazing.
this morning elisabeth, lycke and i went to the park for some extremely healthy breakfast before elisabeth went to school and lycke went home. me myself wandered about in malmö, did some shopping, chain smoked for a bit, read uk vogue and then waited for stepdad to pick me up and drive me back to copenhagen.
mum and i just went to the sun beds. hehehe. here we go again. and also she gave me a weird shot of something weird, apparently it makes you tanned. we will see. im tired of being pale as fuck though, ive never been this pale. ever. and yet both leyla and james asked me why i was so tanned. i remember when i actually was, oh those were the days.
tonight im going to pl13 to meet elisabeths new boyfriend stuart. hes from london. and he moved to helsingborg. its weird. oh and also, my is coming along and i havent met here since the day before i moved to london, the 6th of june that is. its literally been ages. im not quite sure where to stay though since dad is in spain. eheheheh. its like the old (but not old as in oldold when i had my flat) days, when i was homeless for a month. its quite exciting to never know where you gonna spend the night.
ok now shower.
he. my friends make me realise how incredibly unhealthy i am. great.
tonight lycke, lisa, sanna and i are going to debaser. apparently theyre having a ska and punk night and im ridiculously excited. oh and when talking about punks, i found a picture of danny the punk. en-fucking-joy. (SNYGG)
mum just told me that she got married when she was in jail.
to an 18 year old boy.
ok, this is not even funny.
ps, there is much food here. and here's a shower as well. i had almost forgotten how a real house looks like.
i had about three hours of sleep last night (dont even ask) and now i wont go to bed until 11am. im on my way to the airport (stansted, fucking HATE stansted). so excited about seeing mum again. vivian is touching my nipples and i find it a bit weird (especially since hes asexual, not when hes drunk though, eh). anyway, vivian went to the bagel shop earlier today to get me a diet coke. he got hit by a motor bike. motor. bike. i feel a bit sorry for him.
vivian and anna will so bond when im away and when i come back theyll have forgotten all about me. fucking great!
but atleast they love my saggy tits.
ok im off!
from: mum
14-apr-2009 08:56
im free!
everything will finally be fine. i might not even have to watch greys anatomy 24/7.
+ shoes, underwear, basic vests, tights and please help me. urg. oh and also a gift for mum, thats good.
and tonight we're qoing out (surprise?). we're gonna dance at proud with vivian and also we've got a boyfriend each among the staff there. brilliant. whopwhop!
i just rediscovered no doubt (the early days). probably a good thing, ive been considering jumping off ldn bridge the last few days but not anymore. its weird what music can do to you.
tonight is my last night of drunkness in ldn for about two weeks. two weeks, wowowow! in three days i get to see mum, stepdad, sanna, elisabeth. itll be lovely im sure.
i wont have the time to post any more clothing until i get back to ldn, by the end of the month that is, but i will obviously send the items that have been sold. on tuesday. post office is closed (easter and all that) but it will be open on tuesday. i hope. if not, im fucked and you wont get your clothing.
and thats how happy you get when you realise that your not-very-cheap burberry trench is soaked in beer
all im focusing on right now is greys anatomy, it helps to focus on something that isn't real.
sandy: i feel really weird. i dont know who i am anymore. im lost.
anna: tough luck.
anna is so fucking supportive haha
people always expect so much of you and i mean fair enough why shouldnt they? im a bit confused, anna always says that im the most loving person she knows but me myself dont really see it that way.. at all. and i get mails from some of you guys saying that you love that i hate everything. this is not true, i dont hate everything. but i do hate. i do. i hate that emma died in the tsunami and that i didnt tell her how much i love her, i hate that my mum trashed my childhood, i hate that i dont have a shower, i hate gap, i hate that im convinced that im a bad person so its not even worth trying to be something else, i hate my big feet, i hate göran persson and mona sahlin, i hate that i let myself down when doing mdma, i hate the west end, i hate that the boss thinks that im such an amazing person when im not, i hate pedophiles and could easily torture every single one of them to death, i hate that i dont hate my nazi humour, i hate how lucky people (myself included) dont realise how fucking lucky they are, i hate letting people down and i hate how i constantly keep doing it, i hate rhamad rhamad who always come in to the shop and stink, i hate being addicted to facebook, i hate cool people.. i guess that i hate quite a lot. but i love loads of things as well, and loads of people. i love grey's anatomy, i love crying of happiness, i love parks, i love holding hands, i love bbq parties, i love being a groupie and i love fellow groupies, i love dancing, i love writing, i love my shop, i love how anna decided to be my family, i love observing people and the way they walk and talk, i love sitting on the ground, i love trying to be creative, i love having family dinners with anna's family, i love laying in bed with anna for hours and hours just talking, i love singing, i love music festivals and concerts for that matter, i love being illegal, i love chain smoking, i love shaving my legs(!), i love jumping up and down in the rain, i love riding through london sitting on the top of a double decker, i love to hide and sneak smoking with my 29 year old sister, i love sitting at leyla's drinking vodka drinks and chatting until 7am, i love watching old photos of my family... i love loads of stuff. id like to think that i love more than i hate cause its such a time waste to hate. but you know, what can one do. i just feel a bit lost. and i dont like feeling lost. i dont want to be a bad person but for some reason it feels like i would just let everyone down if people started to think that i was a nice person cause one day theyd find out that im actually not that nice. so i might as well be a cunt from the right beginning. fucking great.
it's a really good thing that i'm going to sweden/denmark in a few days 'cause london's getting a bit silly.
*a photographer came in to the shop the other day and asked us if we wanted to style his models a couple of shoots. a couple. of shoots. ok so sorry, my brother lives in stockholm, is a professional stylist and works his ass off to get any jobs at all and here am i, a useless fucking 19 year old who doesn't know shit about shit and people ask me to style their shoots? exactly how is that fair?
*i admit that im a sucker for celebrities. i dont know why. its predictable and boring and stupid and blah-blah. i dont get impressed easily by people though, celebrities or not - i didnt think it was such a big deal to talk to morrissey, and i didnt think it was such a big deal when henry holland came up to anna and me and said that he liked what we were wearing and when lily allen asked me for a fag i said that she would have to roll it up herself (ok enough with the namedropping). BUT when anna and i saw half of the skins cast outside the marathon the other night i thought that i would die. i LOVE skins. i wanna be a part of skins. i love effy and i wanna be effy. and cook is the sexiest thing ive ever seen! i literally didnt know where to look. so i turned to the wall and stared at the wall rather than my idols. anna stared at tony though. tony stared back.
*japanese nylon were here the other day (yesterday?) and took pictures + asked us a whole bunch of irrelevant questions. i gave them my business card for the blog and said that it was the card for the shop. hahahaha. im such a cunt i love it. the photographer was really cute and couldn't stop giggle when he saw the downstairs "oh my god hihihihihihihihihihi it really looks like someone lives here hihihihihih". yeah hihi. fucking great.
*ive met someone i think i like. i always say that i dont like people and that i dont trust anyone and its kind of true but then again, no its not. i havent been fucked over that many times, to be honest im usually the one whos fucking everyone else over. except for the irish, he really fucked me over. anyway. its a weird guy. he is so normal. so so so normal. hes working monday-friday 9-5. i mean GOD. theres absolutely nothing wrong with that but its so weird comparing to my lifestyle. i try to not go out during fridays/saturdays cause people like him are out. wow. this could turn out to be really, really interesting. anna thinks that im gonna fuck him over. i think shes wrong. we will see.
*last night anna, emelie, leyla, storm, rod and i went to a house party. we expected a small studio flat filled with smoke, people occupying the toliet for hours snorting coke and yeah you know the general house party style. what we didnt expect was a big fat fucking wearhouse with two toilets and a massive dj. that we didn't expect. but that was what we got. i liked it, until i 4.30am realised that "fuck i dont know where i am fucking hell". conclusion, ive had three hours of sleep and it literally feels like im dying and everyone keeps texting me to come out and WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE, shouldnt everyone be with their families celebrating easter or something? or for fuck sake give me a break. i need to get some sleep. it feels like i havent seen my bed in ages.
*my closet dont consist of ten pieces of clothing, more pieces will come up as soon as i, i dont know, have some energy.
and most important - five days until i get to see mum again! five days! five days is less than a week and a week is seven nights out and seven nights out feels like five minutes. oh i cant wait.
we went to proud on wednesday and it was really weird, half of east end was there and the walls was covered in tin foil and the music was shit. oh well. we met the floor manager. he was panicking haha.
manager: thank fuck you're here, here are SO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE!!!!
anna: eh you know that we're 19 don't you?
manager: what???
last night, playing guitar hero at nicole's. guitar hero is the best thing that has happened to me since anna.
anna emelie and rod in the taxi to the house party. emelie and leyla made best friends with the taxi driver. his name was graham and he was funny. not that funny though. rod got a bit grumpy and said something about "you girls stay in the cab with graham and i'll just fuck off" haha.
we finally got to the house party and i went straight to the tub. haha. this is me sober by the way (no, not even joking).
partners in crime, we were dancing for hours and hours last night. as usual. noone else danced. as usual.
i do not normally look like this. i think. and hope.
last night was an eventful one and i have so much to tell you guys!
quite busy right now though, a journalist and a photographer from a japanese fashion magasine will be here in 45 minutes to make an interview with us. and i look like shit! haha. just got myself a seethrough body from american apparel though, better put it on and find some make-up to make myself look human again. tjohooo!
anna, swedish twin#1 and i are drinking scrumpy jack in the sun.
åh.
this is emelie. emelie is swedish. emelie doesn't like swedes. i'm swedish. i don't like swedes. we do, however, like each other. we didn't. i used to refer to her as "the swedish cunt who works at the prince of wales". one day we started to talk though and realised that neither of us are very swedish. since then we've been great friends.
this is nicole and me, just a few days after i came back from sweden in january. nicole works at topshop and i can not understand why anyone would want to work at topshop, and definitely not for 10 months time. nicole is lovely. she has problems with saying no though, which explains why anna and i could use her shower for seven months before her flatmates finally started to complain. and also, she has problems with paying off her debts, which explains why she still owns me £16 quid from august last year. she never used to do any drugs what so ever but these days she's madly in love with mdma but are one of few who knows her limits. 
this is hayden. hayden is a bit weird, but in the best of ways. first time i met him he screamed "oh my fucking god you two are so cool that i'd take a picture of you guys if i had a camera - and i do so can i take a picture of you?!". he could. we see him every single time we go out in camden and he's always confused, insane and absolutely hilarious. 
this is amie. i can't remember the first time i met her but i've never met anyone who's giving more compliments than her. she has always a smile on her face and even though she works at busy busy hawley she manages to keep being all jolly and happy.
this is anna. anna is my best friend, my business partner and family (not necessarily in that order). i was 12 the first time i met her. it was our first day at our new school and i remember how the teachers gave us cookies and lemonade and when everyone else threw themselves at their cookies, anna looked disgused at hers and i thought "oh my god i won't ever be as cool as she is". and i won't. when everyone else started to smoke, anna didn't. when everyone else drank home made alcohol, anna didn't. when everyone else went to the corner shop during classes, anna didn't. anna is the perfect role model (and the fact that she keeps saying that she isn't is just a proof that she in fact is). and no, anna is still not smoking, she's just holding my fag for me.
this is rod (or carl hughes jr). he is incredibly musically talanted but won't realise it himself. or maybe he does, he just doesn't do half of what he could do about it. i used to think that he was awfully mean and evil-looking. that was before i even spoke to him. today i know that he isn't mean, he is actually quite nice and has got the most adorable accent (he is from birmingham and anna doesn't understand a single word of what he says). and also, he comes into the shop once in a while and when he does, heworks even more than i do.
this is me. i hate cleaning but i love helping friends out and when helping friends out means help cleaning their pub so they can leave earlier i'm more than happy to do so. this is when i help cleaning up the hawley.
this is the boss. he hates people. he hates me as well, but not as much as he loves me. he would never admit that he loves me though, that is too normal. the boss hates everything and anything that's normal. most people don't understand the boss. i didn't understand the boss for the first months i worked for him. these days, he works for me and these days i understand him. i've never met someone who loves me as much as he does. apart from anna but she doesn't count. it may sound weird considering that he screams at me 24/7 but everyone else thinks i'm weird, they look at me like i'm weird but the boss doesn't. he understands me and he doesn't think that i'm weird. he thinks that i'm normal in a very abnormal way.
this is my mum. most people would say that she is the shittiest mum in the entire world. hell, i would say that she is the shittiest mum in the entire world. she has a heart of gold though and she has always done her best. she has taught me so much, as all mothers have taught their daughters, mostly stuff i really appreciate but also things mothers shouldn't ever teach their daughters - i remember specifically when she told me how to make alcohol at home. i can't remember how to do it though, i was about nine years old when she told me haha. mum's a bit of a snob today which is funny since she was the worst of chavs when growing up. she is the most insane person i know - she ran away from home by the age of 13, went through with having a baby (me that is) just to piss her mum off, she's been addicted to everything you can possibly be addicted to, she doesn't give a shit about shit and she knows everything yet nothing. mum's the best and i love her with all of my heart.
i just realised that i'm sick of my closet being full, i'm sick of my clothes that i never ever wear (i'm basically walking around in a boy ldn shirt all day, every day) and i'm sick of having clothes someone else would love to have.
and also, i'm skint.
i'm selling every single piece of clothing i have in ldn. apart from my £800 ashish dress. and my knickers. and my boy ldn shirts.
http://buysandy.cottonstyle.co.uk
i just published a few pieces and will put up more stuff every day, stay tuned!
i want you to be crazy 'cause you're stupid baby when you're sane
i want you to be crazy 'cause you're boring baby when you're sane
expectations.
- what sandy did next.
